mrscyanide

crawling around with a hole in my heart

trying to fit there

all kinds of keys

but then come you with a bulb

exposure my hole

you inspect the evidence

of me being alive

with you sloppy fingers

you find electrical socket

right in my heart

we find the disciple

at which we can be just perfect

yes, marquis

yes

show me new ways how to live

a true king

can embody anyone from the court.

when i first saw you,

I felt who is standing in front of me.

***

first the page

held the doors for me

and read my wishes from my face.

a knight you were

not daring to touch yet,

but already protecting.

as the gardener silently keeps to himself

you kept all your smiles inside.

a court poet

did touch my hips and felt my lashes

against his neck.

the revengeful servant was spanking me,

at the same time being afraid of his deeds.

with whom do I wake up? I don’t know-

that’s why I’m leaving in night.

the king won’t show up until I remove the joker.

Aicinu sekot seno grieķu paraugam un būt multitalantīgam, daudzpusīgam cilvēkam. Sevis dēļ.

1. Never allow the other to go to sleep sad. If you are so angry that you can’t talk, at least hug him.
2. Trust him. If he said, that he will come, but doesn’t, don’t make any assumptions, just know, that he wanted his best, but could not do. He won’t use this principle for his good, if he is worthy.
3. I need to feel love by physical reminders, that I can eat, smell, carry around or sleep on. Especially, if he is a lot away. This is how I feel safe. (And this is how I fall in love again and again, in spite of psychology theories.)
4. Fuck him with your eyes now and then.
5. Don’t argue. Ask, always ask. Encourage him to ask and understand.
6. Don’t lie. He is supposed to love you for who you are, not the part of you that you are demonstrating.
7. Once you chose him, YOU HAVE CHOSEN HIM. There is no doubt, no way back, no other way but to love and to trust. Because this is how you love, it describes you and this is the only way how you feel is right to exist. You are exactly this wonderful.

imma poet-

it describes me

not being able or allowed to say things out straight;

and a decent language

is supposed to be my tool.

well, guess what-

as your messy room told me

you did not expect my love;

among all the borders of politics

books of botanics

understandings that existence is meaningless

wet spots on the sheets

my bleached hair in your bed

(found a week after I left)

–

I love you fucking .

I want to go with you

wherever your deeds lead you-

if that is hell

then I want to be bad.

And I know…

yeah, my pathetic addiction.

. Pure cocaine goes though your heart,

this is the heart

I am blind by.

One day I will have to choose-

to be happy,

or to be a poet.

The irony is-

people want to be inspired

by the poets.

Can you be inspired

by misery?

I am longing for the nonexistent space

between our palms,

joined in unholy prayer

while screaming “Oh God”.

Like a blind I could draw the salients

of your tattooed skin,-

I have walked there enough

with all my body,

my whole existence

sticking against yours.

I don’t want to go to Paris with you,

I want to get high,

to get higher,

to get a common shape with your shadow,

cause that means we are in light;

we are delighted

in the sounds of Nine Inch Nails.

You help me to belong to myself

by the space created

when you turn your back.

The space always forms what we have,

not what we have not.

And since the day

when your body started to recite the poetry,

there are missed only the shittiest poems

left to said,

like this one.

Your spine is like trunk

shimmering with strain

and I am a snake

twisting around it

you bend my head back

so that my look impinges yours

and you can own my being fully

we are dying little by little-

so anarchical act of losing

ourselves for the moment

life vomits its truth onto us

that only by losing

we can have it all.

I kiss the wisdom

that lies in your palms

and I am leaving

[I let it go]

so that I can come back.

Tell me the pictures

haunting you.

You close your eyelids-

to see more fully.

God was there.

and you love Eve

in every woman

passing you.

Things happen the way they happen just because considering all the circumstances, conditions and human activities, they cannot happen in another way. This moment is a result of all actions and occasions, that had occurred long ago. For example, if in tomorrow’s agenda you’ve got a difficult meeting, 90% of things that will influence the outcome, have already happened, and the actions of today will be felt after 2-3 days at least. In my perception, the existence is the knot of continuous-moving particles, whose basic goal is the movement and transformation. What we perceive as reality, is a small intercept from this endless movement process, which is divided by our conscious into kaleidoscope of moments, where one moment overpass into the next moment. Our subconscious, according to experienced moments, our emotions, willful decisions etc., creates projections of future, which influences in direct way the reality, which in every moment of life is in its formation stage.

Fun begins with the fact, that every alive being has subsconscious, which is creating these projections and affecting the reality; every inanimate being consists of atoms and quants, which are in endless motion, that also takes part in forming the reality. According to this, the destiny of individual is constructed by himself (his conscious and subconscious) and the other world (with its conscious and subconscious). We have always had the possibility NOT to be in this situation. Or at least to take the umbrella for this situation. The more aware we are, the better we can influence our “destiny” and more likely we can avoid of floating along the “world’s destiny” or we can flow with it, if we want. In every moment of my life I can choose to be more aware.

This is the mechanics of everyday life. It is like never-ending experiment, that proves the hypothesis all the time. This mechanics proves that THERE IS NO COINCIDENCE.

About life after death- it can be only logical speculation as we do not have proof. I tend to think, hat there is a form of soul, that experiences unending process of transformation and reincarnates. There might be a the spiritual foundation of mass (pamatmasa). Everything consists of this mass, just the density level varies (e.g. matter is a dense form of this mass). From this mass are constantly emerging consciousness seeds, which have become fully fledged souls who then develops to god level, when they are able to create universes and realities, and when all the variations have been tried (as is scientifically proven that the universe is determinate and, therefore, all quantum / atomic positions are determinate) then god blends in with the spiritual foundation of mass and the cycle again begins.

The sum of the souls in total is the sould of the world (anima mundi), so the sum of all together also occurs as unique divine being / consciousness. It seems to me, that the soul after death analyzes what she has done, comes up with the aim of what should be done during next life, and together with “friends” reincarnates again as long, as the level is so high that some higher plan sets in. It is my main “faith,” but I’m trying not to be too specific about it because it’s trying to analyze the 12th grade training program while you still study in 3rd. Long story short- death is not an escape.